Why Billie Eilish Almost Walked Away from Touring for Good?

Bilie Eilish. Photo: Gilbert Flores/Variety via Getty 

Billie Eilish recently revealed some of her struggles while on tour, admitting she experienced “dark times” during her early years on the road. In a candid conversation with Vogue, the 22-year-old singer reflected on how her relationship with performing and touring has evolved over time.

Although she initially found the experience isolating and challenging, Eilish has since embraced a new approach to life on tour, aiming to enjoy her music without the intense pressures she once felt.

During the interview, Eilish was open about her past feelings of loneliness. “I’ve had some really dark times on tour. For a long time I was kind of living like it was temporary,” she shared.

This attitude, she explained, allowed her to endure the less enjoyable aspects of touring. However, she eventually realized that touring wasn’t just a phase; it was an integral part of her career.

“I was very lonely for many years, and I’m not interested in that anymore,” she said, adding that she didn’t always appreciate the value of performing live. Instead, she often viewed it as something to get through rather than something to enjoy.

Bilie Eilish. Photo:Getty Images for Live Nation

For years, Eilish felt detached from the music that brought her fame. This sense of disconnection ultimately made her touring experience less fulfilling. The singer revealed that she didn’t realize she could make touring enjoyable until recently.

She now aims to relish both her performances and her days off, working to find balance between her career and personal happiness.

In a departure from her past approach, Eilish has started playing music just for fun, reconnecting with the passion that first drew her to it.

“It’s so nice to not have the pressure of like, ‘Is this going to be the next single?’” she said, describing her newfound joy in simply jamming with friends. For Eilish, this is a refreshing change from the intense schedule that once dominated her life.

The singer’s new perspective on music represents a significant shift. “Things blew up for me at an age when I would’ve been jamming with buddies,” she recalled.

Now, after years of building her career, she’s finally able to enjoy the spontaneity of making music without worrying about its commercial success. Eilish described this as the first time she’s been able to truly enjoy playing music, emphasizing how liberating it feels.

Eilish is currently touring her third studio album, Hit Me Hard and Soft, marking her first tour without the constant presence of her family. Her brother and frequent collaborator, Finneas O’Connell, who usually plays guitar for her, is not on this tour.

Eilish’s parents are also absent, a departure from the family-centric setup that defined her early career. Her mother, Maggie Baird, jokingly described this shift as Eilish’s “going off to college year.”

Bilie Eilish. Photo:Getty Images

Finneas expressed pride in his sister’s growth, saying, “There were many years where I sort of felt like I would never miss a show because Billie was 16 or 17 and I really had this feeling of needing to be there for every minute. Over the last few years of touring, she’s really become an adult.”

For Eilish, this solo experience is a new chapter, offering her a sense of independence and allowing her to define her own touring experience.

This tour also reflects Eilish’s desire to make her shows enjoyable for herself as much as for her audience. With 81 dates spanning from Canada to Ireland, the Hit Me Hard and Soft tour is an extensive one.

It kicked off on September 29 in Québec City and is set to conclude on July 27, 2025, in Dublin. Despite the demanding schedule, Eilish seems determined to approach it with a newfound sense of freedom and joy.

Looking back on her previous tours, including the Don’t Smile at Me Tour and Happier Than Ever, The World Tour, Eilish has come a long way. She has learned to prioritize her mental health and happiness, a journey that has involved redefining her relationship with music and performance.

As Billie Eilish embarks on this new phase of her career, she hopes to continue finding joy in music and touring. By letting go of the pressures that once weighed her down, she’s learning to embrace the moment. For fans, this shift offers a glimpse into a more authentic and happy Eilish—a version of herself who’s not just performing for the world, but also for her own love of music.

With her candid reflections on the ups and downs of touring, Eilish’s story resonates with anyone who has faced challenges in their pursuit of happiness. As she continues on her journey, she serves as a reminder that even the brightest stars need time to recharge, rediscover themselves, and find new ways to shine.